I was sitting on the beach on the West side of the Island of Oahu, Hawaii.
It’s a resort area, but I still liked to take my kids there from time to time.
At that time I lived in a house on the North Shore, but that day it was rainy on the North Shore, so I took my kids over to a sunny side of the island.
As I sat there on the beach watching my kids play, I was filled with love. The sun, the waves, the laughter… the moment felt magical as Hawaii often does…
I looked out to the ocean, and felt gratitude for my family and how far we’d come to be here in this moment at this time.
My mind flashed back to when I was in my early 20’s. I had always dreamed of having a family, living near the beach, and raising them outside.
But in my dreams, I was always in good shape. But if I’m being honest, at that moment I didn’t feel like I was in good shape. I picked the swimsuit that I felt best covered up the changes my body went through to birth all of my kids.
I sat, partly covered up, while they played.
I felt better focusing on them than focusing on me, because as painful as it is to admit, I loved them but I wasn’t fully happy with myself.
It’s not that I needed perfection. I am fine with aging, in fact I embrace it. There’s no reason to fight the natural cycles of life.
But accepting aging and accepting being out of shape are two different things.
And I had a million valid reasons why being as fit as I wanted to be was hard…
I had a small business…
My kids don’t give me time…
My husband needs me…
The house doesn’t clean itself…
But as I sat there on that beach, I realized that I want to be happy too.
I don’t want part of the dream…
I want the full thing, the beach, the kids, the loving husband, and the fit body…
At that point I had been trying to crack the code of figuring out how to be the fit mom for nearly 6 years…
But at that moment